搞腦筋奇人

那時候,我只喜歡獨自在家裡,煮智慧湯。要詳細地說明是那個時候,大概就是其他人都跑到外面打球的時候,我卻一個人留在家裡。把稍微比我矮一點的黑色巫婆甕放在爐火上,倒入下雨過後泡滿雨水的濕泥巴,將五顏六色不同物質的七彩圓球丟進去。在溫火烹調的時候,用長滿焦瘡的長湯勺不斷攪拌。當濃湯滾起來,聽見沸泡的破裂聲,聞到陰暗憂鬱的氣味,那就是最醉人的時候。

媽媽說:「你要喝這個湯嗎?」我搖搖頭。她鬆一口氣:「那為甚麼你要煮這個湯呢?」我嚴肅地說:「這是智慧湯。可以增加智力值,讓人變得聰明。」媽媽眉頭皺了一下,慈祥地說:「你不能煮一點可以吃的湯嗎?」我想一想,出了神。

我在天花板上做了一個勾,鐵勾吊下一根繩索,索的末端繫著一個安全帽。我經常戴上這頂帽,把自己吊在半空中,讓四肢都沒法碰觸到任何物件。然後我雙臂一揮,全身就在半空中旋轉。轉到力量的盡頭時,就自然向反方向轉回來,我又加把勁手足一揮,轉到另一圈的盡頭。一直轉一直轉,我的精神和魂魄都飛出體外,到達純意識流的領域。

鄰居悄悄地說:「你看他,是沒救了。」旁邊的老伯和應著:「對呀,隔壁那個弱智的阿華,好歹也會用蠻力耕田啊!」「就是嘛,正正常常一個人哪,怎麼變成這樣子呢?看他以後怎麼賺錢養家。」「甚麼賺錢養家的?我看他連去垃圾堆撿剩菜給自己吃都不會呀。」我聽一聽,聽得出神。

唸書的時候,我和一位姑娘比較熟稔。她總是看著我玩弄手上的橡皮筋,一聲不響地看我把橡皮筋拉開又放鬆,拉開了又再放鬆,一直重複拉開放鬆的動作。有一天她說:「真想到你家看看。」後來,莫名其妙地,我們兩個人就出現在我家。她看見很多大大小小許多橡皮筋。它們都一圈一圈地纏在一起,圍在杯子上,圍在門鎖上,還有鬧鐘、原子筆、蠟燭、書本等。

她看著我把剛帶回家的橡皮筋,織繫上一條又粗又闊的橡皮纜上,然後我猛力拉一拉筋纜,把它放鬆,再拉一下又再放鬆,認真地重複好幾次之後,她看著橡皮筋說:「怎麼會有這樣的人呢?」不知道她是對我說還是自言自語,不過她總算轉過來看著我:「你大概要到月球上,才會找到知音人吧。我祝福你。再會了。」她轉身就離開了。我抬頭看不見月亮。我看著她離去的背影,看得出神。

踏出社會工作,很湊巧地和蜘蛛俠一起上班。蜘蛛俠很健談,他總是對我說:「嘿,有空要來我家玩哦!」我總是點點頭,笑一笑。他好像從來不在乎我的怪裡怪氣,這倒讓我有點不習慣。有一次,吃得很飽,但沒有喝碎,結果晚上真的到了他家玩。他家很特別,到了他家,好像不得不爬上他的網。自從那次以後,我就經常到他家,爬上網。

有一天,在網上,我忽然哭出來。因為我發現我不用上月球了。我找到愛搞智力湯的人、愛轉轉腦袋的人、也愛拉拉筋的人,而且不只一個,而是一大群。

好大一群愛「搞」「腦」「筋」的人呀!

註:參加網站《搞腦筋》四週年《有情可緣之徵文比賽》作品

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